Echoes from the Billiard-Room
A Tragedy In 250 Up
(Disrespectfully dedicated to H. W. Stevenson.)
the musical tones produced by the contact of billiard balls, and suggested that
the notes of the different strokes might be worked into a suitable opera, special
prominence to be given to the half-ball stroke, which he called “the champagne
of billiards.”]
The shriek of a losing hazard rang out on the still night air,
And the musical ear of the marker was rent as he jumped
from his chair
and dashed to the furthermost table, whence the horrible
scream had come
Where the Spot-boy, with eyes fixed and glazing, stood
tremblingdementedand dumb!
(To slow music, i.e., a crawling cannon.)
At the feet of the marker fell fainting a limp and inanimate
heap:
“My Gawd, will you ever forgive me!”in a voice that
would make your flesh creep
“With a cue which I bought from a broker, a cheap two bob
cuewith a warp
I played for a B-flat Cannon, and gotan In-off in G sharp!
By the Half-ball I swear I am guiltless of wilful discords in
my game.
In Billiard-quartettes and Cue-trios I’ve acquired, as you
know, certain fame.
My top-notes in Nursery Cannons have been beaten by none
in the pit,
And in Snooker my chest-notes are reckoned to make all
professionals quit.
The dulcet and musical cadence of my strokes in the natural
C
Are surpassed by no amateur cueist, no matter whoe’er he
may be.
I can scoop every Pool in G-majorone pot to one beat in
the bar
Every ball ringing true as I net it, no flat notes the
measure to mar.
In a break of 100 my phrasing is perfect, melodious, sweet;
And my” Champagne “is said to be faultless… O, my
heart! As I kneel at your feet
I grow sick with a hideous loathing of the terrible deed I
have done,
For how shall I answer my comrades when this horrible
crime becomes known?
With a cue which I bought from a broker, a cue at two bob
with a warp
I played for a B-flat Cannon, and gotan In-off in G Sharp.
My Gawd, they will never believe me, and I can’t face
satirical talk…
My heart… it will break… I believe it’s my last…
safety miss… into… baulk…”
He died at the feet of the markerof shame and a bursting
heart.
He’d bartered for two-bob his honour in the Musico-
Billiard Art.
We scratched on his tombstone the legend, With a French butted
cue (with a warp)
“He played for a B-flat Cannon, and got an In-off in G Sharp.”